


Geranium

by tadojoon (namtae)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, idk man, it's not so violent but just in case, its just one slap here one scream there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:37:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11708880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/namtae/pseuds/tadojoon
Summary: < He was stupid and a fool, thinking that Taeyong would reciprocate his feelings. He was a foolish, American man. The article said that also, pink geraniums were often used on love spells. Taeyong witchcrafted me, he threw his spell on me. >





	Geranium

Youngho was drowning. Drowning in a pit of hopeless and unscapable sensations of betrayal, of jealousy and sadness. But… betrayal? Jealousy? How could Youngho feel that, if the person didn't belong to him from the start?.

 

This started years ago, when they were just trainees. But inside the SNS the fans and netizens always talked about how good his relationship with Ten was. Of course, Ten was one of his best friends and he loved Ten… as a friend. The only one who Youngho wanted by his side was already taken… Just that he didn't knew that little but important piece of information.

He tried his best to make him pay attention to him, by giving the young boy chocolate, energy drinks, go to take some dinner from the convenience store. Yes, it worked at some point, the boy coming with him, even joining him in trivial games.  
Youngho tried with truth or dare, and that was the worst thing he could ever think of using, because the love of his life was clear as crystal.

“… So, truth or dare?” It was the turn Youngho to ask again, feeling uneasy and nervous. He didn't like the idea, he wasn't ready for the truth yet. But still, he kept going… wanting the truth anyways, even if it hurts.

Taeyong looked around, sipping from his bottle of soda, squinting his eyes. He had a messy hair because he got up from a nap and Youngho was already awaiting him with a movie and some snacks. “Huh…. Truth, let's see what you got, hyung~”

“Truth then? You sure?” With a nod from Taeyong's head, Johnny went from a sane pale to a soft pink face, looking down for a moment. Was he so oblivious? He thought, swallowing, trying to get rid of the little lump on his throat. “Do you like one of us as a boyfriend? I know, maybe you're not homosexual, but… perhaps? Maybe? Who knows, I'm still going to support you” He meant that. He really did.

The question… and the rambling from the older one got him with his guard down. He breathed heavily, biting his lips. He had to tell Youngho the truth… he wanted to know about his romantic situation, maybe he was worried? As third oldest from the whole group, maybe he had the feeling of protect them as a big brother. He looked at Johnny, and giggled because the older looked like he was regretting life choices. “Well, I, actually do like someone from our group… But I never told him, yet.” Taeyong grabbed the hair close to his right ear, caressing it nervously. “It's… Jaehyun… I want to tell him before our debut, but I don't have the balls to do it, it's crazy right? I'm the one with the balls for everything, but not when it's about Jung Jaehyun.”

Youngho's heart felt heavy. The captain sinking with his ship until the end, that's how the heart of Youngho felt. He took a deep breath, and relaxed his whole body, trying to keep his façade up. “So… you like Jaehyun, and when are you going to declare yourself?. You're not getting younger, you're growing and the due is the next year, Taeyong.” Johnny said, with his voice almost failing him. He prayed to all the existing gods about not fucking him up with his voice right now. He wanted to skip the self embarrassment.

His prays were listened, his voice maintaining its usual tone. “I think it's the best, we're going to debut soon, you can't have a fresh, brand new relationship while doing promotions, maybe it's the worst thing you can do.”

Taeyong hummed and looked down, evading Johnny's gaze. Thank god Johnny thought. “You're right, hyung. I need to tell him-… the doubt of if he loves me or not is killing me, you're right.” Taeyong looked at Youngho, smiling brightly, as if the big rock that he carried on his shoulders dissipated suddenly. But Youngho's rock became more heavy in an instant. “Thank you very much, hyung, I'm going to do it!! Please keep supporting me… I beg you, Youngho hyung.”

His eyes started to get watery. Taeyong thought that Youngho was really happy that he was going to declare to Jaehyun.

But in reality, Youngho was dying, withering away, he wanted to punch Lee Taeyong’s pretty face violently, he wanted to scream at his beautiful face. But the only thing he did was…

“Of course man, you can count on me.”

 

No, Taeyong had no regrets. It wasn't Taeyong’s fault. It was Youngho’s fault, for not declaring his love on time. His advice was actually convincing and good… Why he couldn't do the same?

 

A year and half passed like only one day and half. NCT U debuted, then NCT 127, NCT Dream. Youngho’s debut was really close. But his health wasn't really good, at all.

Since Taeyong and Jaehyun started dating, he always felt a knot on his throat. It was painful when he was close to Taeyong, but he thought it was just the regret and love he felt mixed together.

But it became worse when he debuted and he had to pass all day with Taeyong. At least when he was still a SMRookie he could avoid Taeyong while practising in one of the multiple practice rooms, or even the recording booths were saviours in Youngho’s perspective.

“Why would I change rooms now? I like where I am right now. It's not that I don't like Jaehyun but I'm really comfortable inside my room.”

“Then I'll be the one who moves in, Youngho hyung,it's not a big deal.” Jaehyun smiled brightly, while Youngho's face was really bitter.

“Johnny, you know that everyone needs a good night of sleep, if you two are going to do the night radio show, you have to share the room, so you don't wake up the other members.” The manager said, trying to ignore the fact that Youngho was swearing in english under his breath. Maybe it was a bad idea to wake him up from his nap with that big announcement.

 

Even if Youngho didn't like the idea, he helped Jaehyun to move in with him. 

It was a fucking, horrible, bad idea. God was against him, this was a conspiracy.

Whenever he wanted to chill in his own room, Taeyong was there. They even ate in the room sometimes, but he knew it was Jaehyun’s idea, when he looked at Taeyong’s sour face.

Youngho realized that the knot inside him got bigger, more painful, and he realized something was really wrong with him when we wanted to vomit when he got inside the room and stared at Taeyong kissing Jaehyun on the mouth.

He had to close the door again, going out the room slowly, and then he ran to the nearest bathroom of the dorm, locking the door. 

He tried to maintain his lunch inside him, but the nausea was too much. First he pulled his hair away from his face, trying to keep it clean, and he let all out. But it was… Soft.

Soft. Perfumed. Delicate petals were pouring out from his guts. Pink and small petals. When he finished to pour them all, Youngho tried to keep up with all the thoughts that passed his head in just 2 minutes.

What the fuck is this  
Why did I… The petals  
Why does this hurt so bad, gimme a break  
My throat hurts  
Is this a dream?  
Am I dreaming?

He slapped his own cheek without hesitate, groaning in pain.

No, it's not a dream….  
Then what… The hell… Is this?!

The young man grabbed his chest, heaving. Panic presented itself as a good choice right now, and Youngho took it, screaming loudly, getting closer to the door, getting away from the toilet full of the pink and fragrant petals.

One knock.

Three knocks at the door.

Six.

Doyoung voice felt so soft for him, but Doyoung was screaming, banging the door.“Youngho hyung, are you okay!? Please answer me or I'm going to break the door!! Please answer me!!!!”

Youngho slowly let his body relax, sliding to the floor, trembling. He waited until his respiration was kinda normal and replied the best he could to Doyoung. “I'm fine-... I… There was a spider on my back and I panicked!.”

He laughed nervously, but it worked, as Doyoung sighed and tapped the door with his knuckles. “You scared the shit out of me, hyung! You scaredy big bear!”

He waited until the sound of steps were far from the bathroom door, and he choked a sob, rubbing his chest brutally, groaning. It fucking hurts.

 

He searched for it on internet when he calmed down, cleaned the toilet, washing away the petals and went to grab his laptop, quickly leaving his room, he didn't even look at Jaehyun and Taeyong, who were sleeping with their limbs intertwined. 

He went went to the living room and installed his big humanity in one of the sofas, searching about the petals living inside a human body. It was a disease discovered in Japan, so the name was given by the first man who discovered this. Hanahaki. The cure was… An operation. The plant inside him had to be extracted, but all his feelings towards Taeyong will disappear with the plant. The other cure was beyond his expectations, starting to look like something impossible to do.

Taeyong had to fall in love with him, and the plant will disappear in a few weeks.

The third option was die.

That's the best option, to be honest. Youngho laughed at that thought, grabbing his face with one hand. What the hell was he thinking? Taeyong’s love wasn't as important as his own life…

 

Or is actually more important?

 

Three weeks after Youngho realized what happened inside his own body, the idea of meeting Taeyong was more unappealing than ever. He loved the boy, damn, he wanted to, at least, make Taeyong understand that he loves him with all his heart. But the reality was, whenever he was close to the lovely pairing, the petals would flow up his throat, wanting to leave his guts eagerly. 

He searched which flowers were growing inside him, they were called horseshoe geranium, and the first meaning that appeared on the search bar was: “folly or stupidity”. The second was “gentility” and the third, “ingenuity”. So, he was stupid and a fool, thinking that Taeyong would reciprocate his feelings. He was a foolish, American man. The article said that also, pink geraniums were often used on love spells. Taeyong witchcrafted me, he threw his spell on me.

 

Four days more passed by. Youngho wasn't on good shape at all. Sometimes the petals overflowed when he was eating, just by hearing Taeyong laughing at one of Jaehyun’s jokes. He had to excuse himself more than once, to the bathroom for an emergency evacuation. And when he returned to the dinner room, the food already cooled down, tasted plain and bland, the taste of the flowers overwhelming his taste buds. 

He didn't realized he was spacing out until a punch on his left shoulder returned him to reality. With a low whimper leaving his damaged throat, he stared at the perpetrator. It was Taeil. 

“Youngho you’re not looking okay, but you always say ‘I’m fine’... what is happening inside that big mind of yours, hm?” Taeil looked like he was pissed because of him. Maybe he really spaced out long this time. He only thought about the ‘what if’... ‘what if this was better’, ‘what if this was worse’. And the only thing he gained with that was more and more petals hurting his throat like razors coming out, slicing him from the inside. First was a weird feeling, now it was just painful. 

“I’m okay hyung, you don’t have to worry about anything at all, I’m actually, really...fine.” He smiled reassuringly, trying to keep it up for a moment, but a cough came in on the worst moment. He coughed up badly, hiding his face from the older, with petals coming out. Youngho tried his best to swallowing them back again. But they wanted to leave him… so bad. 

Youngho got up from his chair and faced the door, preparing himself to make the usual marathon to the bathroom, but the hand from Taeil wanted him to stay. And what? Discover what was about him so suspicious?. Without looking back he slapped the older’s hand and ran out the dinner room, making it to the bathroom at least. He poured all the petals on the floor, making a mess in a few seconds, thinking about how Taeyong would scream about how long it took him to clean up the mess Donghyuck and Minhyung did using the bathtub.

With that thought, Johnny snapped. He cried bitterly, wanting to erase Taeyong from his mind. He was tired already. He wanted to stop… but he remembered. I will forgot what did I felt, my love for Taeyong will be erased from my mind and heart. His crying startled with more petals leaving his body, petals with blood on them. Youngho panicked like the first time, but the loud scream that alerted Doyoung was no longer there, leaving him with just a few terrified sobs. He was dying. He was dying because he had an unrequited love with his friend and leader. 

 

He was dying because of love, and he was letting the disease to eat him alive.

 

Taeil knocked on the door for non-stopping five minutes, scared. Youngho left him and slapped his hand to get away. Youngho never put a hand on him, not on purpose. From weeks he doubted the younger man about being ‘fine’ and now his thoughts weren’t so crazy as they sound inside his mind. “Youngho please let me in--.. let me in, whatever is it, I’m not telling anyone, just let me help you! Please!! Youngho!” He pleaded, kicked the door, and then, suddenly stopped. The oldest was quiet, listening to Youngho’s cries and choked sobs, to his heaving and broken english curses, his punching on the (apparently) wall of the bathroom. “Please…. let me help you, Youngho.”

 

Click

In no time Taeil opened and closed the door, locking it again. He kept the scream that wanted to left his mouth, holding it with his hands, staring at the floor full of pink and red, and a new color, brown. The flowers weren’t so fresh as they used to be, so a few petals withered quickly than the others, making the scene look more terrifying. 

With a hoarse, broken and tired voice, Youngho replied to Taeil. “Hyung, you can’t help me… I’m already dying, I can’t be helped… I’m just expecting death.”

Taeil couldn't believe those words. He laughed, in disbelief. “What are you saying? Dying? It's this a joke?. Youngho, this is a really weird joke… Where's the camera?”

Youngho didn't laughed back. Hell, he didn't smiled at all. His tears fell from his eyes, rolling on his hollowed cheeks. A spark of anger rose on his opaque eyes, starting to scream at the older. “Do you take this as a joke, Taeil hyung!? How the fuck would I joke with the death!? That's nonsense! Bullshit!! I-...” His voice broke because of a soft whimper, his knees failing him, letting Youngho collapse on the bed of withered petals. “I'm fucking dying, I... I'm so in love that… I can't even think about the operation… I'm so sorry. I should… go on hiatus and wait until my lungs fill with these little bitches, so I can die in peace… suffocating, but in peace.” 

A sharp slap crossed his wet cheek, making him gasp in surprise and pain. He stared at the older, feeling the same hand that slapped him, now caressing where the slap landed. Youngho didn't knew when or how happened, but when he realized, he was hugging Taeil, letting all his pain out, crying like a little child, trying to hold onto the older the best he could, his strength failing him. The borders from his visual capabilities started to blur, whitening. The soft voice of Taeil… Was disappearing. He thought… That the scent of Taeil was more beautiful than the sickening scent from the flowers. He thought for once, about how would be if he loved Taeil, and Taeil reciprocate his declarations, loved his kisses.

He thought about stop holding onto Taeyong and try to be happy, while he slipped in the realm of unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys, this is really my first, published fanfiction. I'm really anxious, I want to know what do you think so comment here below. 
> 
> Also, English is not my first language, any suggestions will be accepted.
> 
> For last but not least, I hope you liked it and I want to do a sequel/alternate ending... Because I know how it feels to have a cliffhanger lmfao. 
> 
> NCTzen fighting!!! :) <3


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